My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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