: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
