your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
