Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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