Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need moral support for this bender
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You made out with two different species that night
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
