Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
