i already hear my dad disowning me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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