it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
