don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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