There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
