omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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