I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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