My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
