She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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