Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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