if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
