Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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