there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
