Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
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