i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
