I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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