Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
