She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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