I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
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hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
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High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"