so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he thought i was a dude.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
