I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship