maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
21 Embarrassing Stories From Adults Who’ve Crapped Their Pants
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT