I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
