No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
