oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
