It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
