If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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