theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Less talking, more tequila
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
