We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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