the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I need moral support for this bender
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
