Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
