In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
