am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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