hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
