I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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