thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
