So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Randomize
