you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
