At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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