Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
