it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She's like a pop up book from hell.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
