we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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