Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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