His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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