he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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