As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
