bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
