Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
