Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
