careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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