Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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