You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Just high enough for therapy.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
