I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
