Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
