Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize