I want to have your abortion
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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