i was born a porn star she said
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
