I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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