dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
