sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
