I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
