Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with youâ€
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