In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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