Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
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