dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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