i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
