remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
