your room smells of hookers.
And success
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
