i was born a porn star she said
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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