so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
