you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
