I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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