If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
