sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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