we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
