we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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