she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
