I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
