When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
