So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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