what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
