Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
